Category: Funny/Dumb

Cops discover van with remarkable custom seating

You have to see it to believe it. An Ontario Provincial Police officer conducting a roadside seatblet blitz near Ottawa, Ontario, made a startling discovery Wednesday. The front-seat passenger in a van he pulled over was enjoying the ride in cushy comfort, in a rocker recliner chair inserted in the van in place of the standard-issue seat. The recliner was not attached to the vehicle and by the looks of the photo provided by police (see it after the jump), a seatbelt was not part of the new configuration.

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Sailor faces second court martial over alleged penis swirling

A sailor on a Canadian warship will face a second court martial over an allegation that he dipped his penis in another sailor’s glass of chocolate milk after an argument between the two men in a mess hall of the ship (read the court docs after the jump). Master Seaman W.L. Boyle was acquitted of the charge of acting in a “disgraceful manner” by a military judge, Cmdr. Paul Lamont, despite testimony from another sailor who said he watched Boyle unzip his pants and insert his penis into the glass and “swirl it around.”

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Saul Betesh

Scuba-diving ball burglars busted

See all posts about dumb crooks and kooky crimesWhen darkness fell on the lush fairways and greens of Camden Braes golf course, near Kingston, Ontario, a pirate duo descended beneath the surface, in pursuit of sunken treasure. That’s when the cops arrived. Police officers caught two men, in scuba gear, plundering the water hazards of the course. They were snatching lost golf balls, reportedly a multimillion dollar a year business (an estimated 200 million lost balls in the U.S. each year). Read the full police news release, after the jump, detailing the early-morning probe that ended with two Quebec men facing theft charges for pilfering dimpled projectiles without permission of golf course owners (that’s the 6th hole at Camden Braes in the pic above).

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Man brings Easter treats to court – cocaine, marijuana

It’s probably not a good idea to take your cocaine to court with you, or your cute little pot-filled Easter eggs, either. I’ll let the news release from the Kingston city police department ‘splain the rest. Read it after the jump.

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The man who never stops swearing at police

Sean Kelly doesn’t give police the finger when he wants to drop the F-bomb. He turns his back. The Kingston, Ontario, man who is, in the parlance, ‘known to police,’ had a message for officers who showed up to a donut shop this week to arrest him after reports of a disturbance. Once Kelly’s T-shirt...

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Investigators hunt 'unexplained absence of eggs'

See all posts about dumb crooks and kooky crimesConscientious citizens across eastern Ontario dashed to their kitchens this week, eager to aid police in their pursuit of a band of hoodlums who, investigators believed, had likely left a hot clue that any hard-boiled investigator could crack, if he could just look into the refrigerator of every home in the region.

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Man assaults victim, victim arrested

It really happened, right here in my hometown of Kingston, Ontario, Canada. Consider it your crime riddle of the week. Have you figured out how it’s possible? The answer after the jump.

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Customers roll back prices

Come on now. Admit it. At least once, you’ve looked at the self checkout machine in the department store and thought, mischievously: I could just slip this one thing in my bag, without scanning it. After all, the evil corporation has it coming for replacing real customer service and killing local jobs with technology.

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